"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
~ Johnny Carson
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
~ Clarence Darrow
"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after."
~ Slovenian Proverb
"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"
~ Tom Lehrer
"Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level."
~ Max L. Forman
"Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?"
~ Anonymous confused artist
"He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any person I know."
~ My father (describing me!)
