Kid Humor #101

When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer.

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to.

Never leave your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*

Jewish Marching Band

NEW HOLIDAY SUGGESTIONS...

MY SUGGESTIONS FOR NEW FEDERAL HOLIDAYS

January 2 – NATIONAL ‘RETURN TO EATING JUNK FOOD’ DAY

February 3 – NATIONAL ‘GROUNDHOG STEW’ DAY

February 15 – NATIONAL ‘EATING CROW DAY’ (CELEBRATED MOSTLY BY FORGETFUL MEN)

March 18 – NATIONAL ‘TAKE YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR FRENCH HORN BELL’ DAY

April 13 –NATIONAL ‘HIDE YOUR CONDUCTOR’S BATON’ DAY

June 17 – NATIONAL ‘SEE IF A FLUTE FLOATS’ DAY

June 18 – NATIONAL ‘SUPER GLUE A TROMBONE SLIDE’ DAY

August 11 - NATIONAL 'CUT DRUM STICKS IN HALF' DAY

September 5 – NATIONAL ‘BREAK A CLARINET REED’ DAY

November 1 – NATIONAL ‘SWITCH THE VALVES ON A TRUMPET’ DAY

November 27 – NATIONAL ‘HIDE A SAXOPHONE’ DAY

December 13 – NATIONAL ‘LOOSEN THE STRINGS ON A VIOLIN’ DAY

Dec 24 – NATIONAL ‘HUG A TUBA PLAYER’ DAY

Happy April Fool’s Day…Bud

TEE SHIRT SLOGANS

I'm on Debt Row.




My Search Engine ran out of gas.




Figment of my own imagination.





Denial is a good thing if used correctly.




I do all of my own stunts.




This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 6.0 or higher.




Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.





We got rid of the kids - the cat was allergic.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...

Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?’

Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'

Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.


They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.'





Jennifer Lopez followed with a big smile and said ‘It is true, it’s been confirmed that I’m the sexiest of them all!’









Brad Pitt walked in last looking baffled and said ‘Who the heck is Bud Lowery?’

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."

~ Anthony Burgess

Shopping Remote...

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him legally."

Family vacation:

" A 'FAMILY VACATION' provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind."

~ Dave Barry

Because I am a Man...

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the blazes could he know where we're going anyway?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you cried at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the new millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the shopping and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

Today's joke...

Q: What happens if you play 'blues' music backwards?

A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

SHERIDAN COMMUNITY CHORUS...

Have you gotten back to me yet as to whether you can join our chorus for the patriotic presentation on Saturday, June 28 and Sunday, July 12th?

Please call or email me.

2 Irishmen in a pub...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!"
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY FROM Bud O'Lowry

CHORUS Patriotic plans...

The chorus has been asked to sing at the Willowfest (pre-fireworks) on Saturday, June 27 in Sheridan and at The Cattaraugus Christian Camp on Sunday, July 12.
If we get a commitment from 60 singers (previous singers & new singers - ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW SINGERS!), we will then make plans to perform.

We are in the midst of contacting everyone on last year's chorus list via phone, or email. Please let us know whether you can or cannot join us if we sing one of our previous patriotic musicals.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Bud & Betty

Home church youth group

This is a picture of my home church's youth group in the old days.

SHERIDAN COMMUNITY CHORUS

If we get 60 singers to commit to a patriotic presentation...
We will sing at the Willowfest fireworks and the Cattaraugus Christian Camp.
We would perform a patriotic musical, which we have previously presented.
I don't have the date for Willowfest, but the Cattaraugus Christian Camp performance would be Sunday, July 12.
We will be calling and emailing everyone on our chorus member's list to find the level of commitment.

Bud

Tuba recital & Master Class cancelled

I've just been informed that the Brass Day and tuba recital/masterclass has been CANCELLED for March 21 and 22.
The Fredonia Brass Association hopes to bring Velvet Brown to campus at a later date.

Musician action movie

Spielberg thought of an idea for a action drama about famous musicians played by superstars.

Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwartzenegger all showed up. Spielberg told them to pick what musician they wanted to be as long as they were famous.

"I'll be Mozart because I've always admired his classial music," said Stallone.

"I liked Chopin's piano music and I think I'll play his role," said Bruce.

"I think I'll be Beethoven because he wrote excellent music," Segall said.
Spielburg was excited because he loved this idea.

When he asked Arnold who he would be, Arnold said, "I'll be Bach."

Getting into Heaven...

Subject: St. Peter at The Pearly Gates

Saint Peter is checking ID/s at the Pearly Gates, and the first guy in line is a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" asks St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels - - I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's really something. Come on in. . . . Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. - - - Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes I know the greetings are late, but I haven't seen most of you for over seven months. I haven't even seen the Sheridan group since July.
As for current events, I know the economy makes for bad headlines and we're all praying for the families of the downed Continental plane in Clarence Center.

I hope you've found ways to "make a joyful noise" with your voices in the absence of our chorus. I've had the opportunity to play my horns much more often and have been having a ball. I was recently asked to play with the Erie County Wind Ensemble (made up of area music teachers) for a February concert in Tonawanda. It was wonderful, and I want to thank some of you for traveling all the way from Silver Creek to hear us play.

My shoulders are feeling much better since I'm doing very little conducting. It's been good to take a break from the podium. My shoulders were beginning to sound like breaking twigs every time I lifted my arms.

Now for Chorus news...
Many of you have been in contact with me asking when the chorus will get together again. We have been asked to present a patriotic concert in 8 different venues (NO WAY!) and each and every one from these venues is excited to have us sing again after last years' concerts.

The COMMUNITY CHORUS will be contacting everyone on last year's chorus list to find the level of commitment for a patriotic cantata for this upcoming 2009 season. The two venues would be "The Willowcreek Winery" fireworks and The Cattaraugus Christian Camp. We would need a place to rehearse (with a sound system & piano) and I would suggest that we sing a musical that we have sung previously. We have a volunteer, who has offered his sound system for the concerts. I am also looking for some financial backing (maybe we should request some "stimulus" funding?).

Please respond to us one way or the other. If you have a ton of money to donate...let me know! If you just want to say: "take your creaking shoulders and get lost!"...please let me know. This is entirely up to the group as to whether we get back together again. This has been a great community ensemble and it has been my pleasure to have been a part of it.

My goal is to have 60 singers.

Looking forward to hearing from each and every one of you,

Bud & Betty

Master Tuba Class @ SUNY Fredonia

With Velvet Brown, (tubist) @ SUNY Fredonia in Rosch Hall (Mason Hall). The tuba recital will be Saturday, 3/21 @ 4:00 pm and the Master Class will be Sunday, 3/22 @ 3:00 pm.

Velvet Brown enjoys a professional career as an international soloist and chamber ensemble performer, recording artist, conductor and orchestral player.
She was a student of Roger Bobo. Ms. Brown is currently the principal tubist of the Altoona Symphony Orchestra, the New Hampshire Music Festival Orchestra, and the River City Brass Band. She has served as substitute or additional tubist with the Detroit Symphony, Saint Louis Symphony, San Francisco Women's Philharmonic Orchestra, and the Fort Wayne Philharmonic. She has also garnered high praise as a founding and current member of the Monarch Brass Quintet and Brass Ensemble, the Junction Tuba Quartet, the Garda Duo, and as frequent soloist with the Percussion Plus Project. Velvet Brown is currently associate professor of tuba and euphonium at the Pennsylvania State University.

OLD IS WHEN...

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD’ IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN…
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.