Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Men who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the man who is doing it.
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. ----
Like this: It could be a right number.
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Swallowing angry words before you say them is better than having to eat them afterwards.
After age 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!
[Thanks to Jim Shevlin]