Friday, January 30, 2009
Like everybody else, I like to make predictions before the Super Bowls. I’m no expert, I don’t know all the statistics, I don’t watch more than two football games per weekend, and I always turn off the TV each time the Buffalo Bills begin to swoon. But I probably have as good a record of predicting Super Bowl scores as anyone else I know.
We seem to be a country of “comparisons.” For example: who’s gained the most weight, who’s lost the most hair, what kind of gas mileage do you get, what area has the highest gasoline prices, and who gets the most snow. I think we are hands-down winners in the last two categories. So, I’m predicting the score of Sunday’s Super Bowl using my own “comparison technique.” I’m going to use my “comparison” technique to not only predict the final score, but the scoring of each quarter.
Pittsburgh Steelers: the number in the crowd at President Obama’s Inauguration minus the times I’ve rolled my eyes holding a snow shovel this winter = 0
Arizona Cardinals: the number of happy Buffalo Bills fans in WNY minus my IQ: = 0
Pittsburgh Steelers: the number of toilet flushes during halftime of the Super Bowl minus the number of people at your Super Bowl party asking: “what’s the score?” = 3
Arizona Cardinals: the number of dollars included in the congressional “stimulus plan” minus the number of construction projects on the SUNY campus = 10
Pittsburgh Steelers: the number of daily diaper changes required by the family of the California Octuplets minus the number of times I’ve shoveled this winter = 7
Arizona Cardinals: Kurt Warner’s age (37), plus his jersey number (13), plus his weight (218), minus Ben Roethlisberger’s weight (241), minus the weight of my tuba (21) = 6
Pittsburgh Steelers: the total number of fumbles by JP Losman (34), plus the number of interceptions thrown by JP Losman (34), minus the combined age of our dogs (in dog years) = 10
Arizona Cardinals: The predicted temperature in Tampa (70) during the Super Bowl minus the inches of snow in our front yard: = 0
Final score: Pittsburgh Steelers: 20 Arizona Cardinals: 16
Go ahead; compare my prediction to any of those “experts.”