Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Today's funny

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

I have personally had each and every one of these comments on my report cards!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Today's wisdom

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.

~ Jerry Garcia

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Bud's status

I have been fired as choir director of the Sheridan United Church on Saturday, September 27 at 12:00 noon.

The board gave me the opportunity to "rescind" the contents of my email letter of 9/1/08 to the friends and members of the Sheridan Community Chorus. I told them I could not say I had lied to the chorus, when I hadn't. (You can go back on my Blog to the 9/2 posting to see my announcement. I think you can see that I handled it directly and professionally with compliments to the Sheridan church.)

Remember the old saying: "no one is irreplaceable."

And as for me, don't worry...

Diane, my family, and especially my golden retriever (Kacey) still love me!


Friday, September 26, 2008

Sheridan Community Chorus pot-luck

Yes, we want to get all "friends and members of The Sheridan Community Chorus" together to discuss the future of this wonderful group. I would like to share with you the enormous number of cards, letters, emails, phone calls, and personal testimonies as to the importance of this ministry.
Please contact me (there is an icon at the end of this article to contact me) and let me know if you'd like to attend.
Plus, we need some volunteers to help with the dinner.
We need you.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Sheridan Community Chorus

I hope each and every member of the Sheridan Community Chorus got the word that we were not singing at The Grape Festival in Silver Creek last Saturday (9/20/08). If you didn't, please accept my sincere apology.

I would like to get all the "friends and members" of The Sheridan Community Chorus together at a pot-luck dinner to discuss our future plans.

I am open to suggestions as to where and when to have this pot luck dinner. I would like to get together in early fall before the weather becomes a problem. The purpose of the meeting will be to discuss the needs of our ensemble and to share the wonderful offers of help.

Please contact me by phone, email, mail, or on my blog with your suggestions.
I would like to be ready to roll early next year in order to be ready for the 2009 Easter season.


Monday, September 22, 2008

If God had Voice Mail funny

Thank you for calling heaven.

I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
The Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.

To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Bud's World

True friendship?
“Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.”
~ Honore de Balzac
“The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”
~ Mark Twain

"Stop bugging me"
Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, “Oh, God!” The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain.” The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard the word vein, because he asked quietly, “Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?”

From the Choir Loft
Finally, after almost 6 months of rehearsals and concerts, our chorus has completed our patriotic musical season. I don’t want to admit this to the singers, but we’ve had continuous chorus rehearsals from September, 2007 until September, 2008. Please don’t mention this to the chorus, or they’ll all want a raise! Our church choir schedule is much easier. We warm-up before the Sunday morning service from 10:00 – 10:15 and rehearse following the Sunday morning service from 11:30 – 12:00. We want and need you. All talent levels needed.

Wit or Wisdom?My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”
~ Steven Wright
“The Christian on his knees sees more than the philosopher on tiptoe.”~ D.L. Moody
"He is a sophistical rhetorician inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity."
~ Bud’s father (describing his son)
“Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.”~ Laurence J. Peter

Today in History
September 21
1981- Sandra Day O’Conner became the 1st female Supreme Court Justice
1970 – Monday Night football premiered on ABC-TV (Browns: 31 Jets: 21)
1938 – Winston Churchill condemned Hitler’s “annexation” of Czechoslovakia
1928 – ‘My Weekly Reader’ magazine made its debut
1897 – The NY Sun ran the famous “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” editorial
1821 – Joseph Smith claimed the Angel Moroni led him to ancient golden plates near Palmyra, NY
1814 – The ‘Star Spangled Banner’ was published as a poem
1780 – Benedict Arnold gave the plans to West Point to British Major Andre
1692 – 2 men & 7 women were executed for witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
For choir / chorus or church music updates:

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today's Wisdom

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Grape Festival (Silver Creek, NY)

Just some of the Saturday (9/20/08) activities of the 'Festival of Grapes'

Arts and Crafts, Children Events, Anderson-Lee Library book sale, Wine (no, not "whine"), Action Praise Team (11:00-Noon - sponsored by 1st Baptist Church), Rides & Concessions, 96WKIX live remote (1:00 - 4:00), Pet Parade and Try Buchwald as Elvis (5:30 - 8:30).

If you see me at the Festival, I'd love to see you too! I know you can catch me...

Today's Funny

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Sheridan Community Chorus

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am extremely disappointed to announce that we have cancelled the Sheridan Community Chorus appearance at The Grape Festival on Saturday, September 20.
I can appreciate the enormous inconvenience this may cause you, and for that I apologize.
I will keep you updated on any and all future plans.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Wisdom of the day

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Wisdom of the day

“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
~ John Adams

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bud's World

Q: What do you call a non-churchgoer?
A: A Seventh-Day Absentist
If you want to save face, keep the lower half shut
~ Ann Landers

I was just wondering…
How do they get the deer to cross at the yellow sign?
If I vow to avoid poison ivy, am I making a rash promise?
Why is a person who handles your money called a "broker"?
How can one person be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
Is a kleptomaniac a person who helps himself because he can't help himself?

From the Choir Loft
Our chorus will perform the patriotic musical: ‘Our Flag Was Still There’ this Saturday (9/20/08) during the Grape Festival in Silver Creek. Yes, it’s our 9th performance of this powerful patriotic musical! We will begin the performance @ 2:00 and will perform outside (Lord willing!) near the Gazebo in the Village Park near the big white church (First United Church) in the middle of the Village of Silver Creek. Please show your support by coming out and clapping wildly (in between songs).

Out of the mouth of Babes...
Little Billy returned home from his first day at school and asked his mother, “What’s sex?”
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the ‘hard to explain subject’...to her inquisitive six year old.
When she had finished, little Billy produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, “Okay Mommy, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”

Today in History
September 14
1996 – Mark Mc Guire became the 13th player to hit 50 HR’s in a season
1973 – President Nixon signed into law a measure lifting pro football’s ‘blackout rule’
1972 – The ‘Walton’s’ TV show premiered
1968 – 1st broadcast of ‘60 minutes’ on CBS-TV
1965 – ‘F-Troop’ premiered on TV
1960 – Iraq, Iran, Kuwait, Saudi-Arabia & Venezuela form OPEC
1948 – Milton Berle launched his TV career on ‘Texaco Star Theater’
1891 – “Empire State Express” train goes fro NYC to East Buffalo (436 miles in record 7hours/6 min.)
1872 – Britain paid the U.S. $15 million for Civil War damages
1847 – U.S. Marines under General Scott enter Mexico City (thus: ‘From the halls of Montezuma’)
1814 – Francis Scott Key was inspired to write ‘The Star Spangled Banner’

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
For choir / chorus or church music updates:

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Sheridan Community Chorus

Plans for our upcoming 9/20/08 Festival of Grapes appearance...

If anyone can help us set-up please report at 12:30 pm

Singers report by 1:15 pm

Performance will be near the gazebo in the Village of Silver Creek park.
Look for us between the gazebo and the big white church (First United Church).

If it rains, we will be performing inside the First United Church.

Attire: Combination of red/white/blue ('stars & stripes' patterns encouraged). White over black outfits are acceptable.

Please bring your 'Our Flag Was Still There' choral books & Salute to the Armed Services medley music.

We could use help tearing down after the performance.

Again, thanks for all your support,

Friday, September 12, 2008

Today's funny

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."
The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in here before."

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Sheridan Community Chorus

Yes, I'm frantically trying to make arrangements for our upcoming performance at the Festival of Grapes on Saturday, September 20 @ 2:00 pm.
I will keep you updated.


Wisdom of the day

"I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell."

~ Harry S Truman

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wisdom of the day

Do those same "Slow Children at Play" grow up to be the "Slow Men at Work"?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Today's 2nd funny

Submitted by Mady Buchbinder and Joyce Hawkins:
Stick with it...it's really good!

These notes walk into a bar...
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, and the sopranout in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

Today's funny

A father decided it was time to have "the talk" with his ten-year-old son. Sitting the boy down, he thought it best to first find out what his son might already know. So he asked his son if he knew about "the birds and the bees."

"I don't want to know," his son replied, bursting into tears. "Promise you won't tell me. Please!"

Confused by this reaction, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad" the boy replied, in between sobs, "when I was six, I got the 'there’s no Santa' speech. At seven I got the 'there’s no Easter bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you are going to tell me now there's no such things as birds and bees I don't know what I will do!"

Monday, September 8, 2008

Today's funny

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

~ George Carlin

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Church Choir

In honor of the upcoming 'Patriot Day' (in honor of the 9/11 tragedy...
tomorrow (9/14) the church choir will be singing 'Sweet Freedom's Song' from The Spirit of America musical, which includes DVD.
Warm-up time at Sheridan United Methodist church is 10:00 am
Please join us if you can.
I'd love to see you...


Friday, September 5, 2008

Wisdom of the day

"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger, the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of danger--but recognize the opportunity."

~ John Kennedy

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sheridan Community Chorus

I have been deluged with responses to the news that the Sheridan United Methodist Church has decided to pull their sponsorship of the Sheridan Community Chorus 2008 Christmas musical season.

As of now, here are our upcoming plans...

Silver Creek Grape Festival Saturday, 9/20/08 @ 2:00 PM @ The Village of Silver Creek Gazebo (in front of the big white church First United Church)

Start time: 2:00 PM
Report time: 1:30 PM
Attire: red/white/blue combination (stars and stripes patterns encouraged) Otherwise, white over black is fine
Bring 'Our Flag Was Still There' choral book & 'Salute to the armed services' music

I sincerely thank you...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Today's funny

The Lord Will Save Me!

It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood. The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain. As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get in. "No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said, and the man in the rowboat rowed away.

The waters rose to the edge of the roof and still the man sat on the roof until another rowboat came by and another man told him to get in. "No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said again, and the man rowed away.The waters covered the house and the man was forced to sit on his chimney as the rain poured down and a helicopter came by and another man urged him to get in or he'll drown. "No thank you," the man said again, "The Lord will save me!"

After much begging and pleading the man in the helicopter gave up and flew away. The waters rose above the chimney and the man drowned and went to heaven where he met God.

"Lord, I don't understand," he told Him, frustrated, "The waters rose higher and higher and I waited hours for you to save me but you didn't! Why?"

The Lord just shook his head and said, "What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter?!"