Today's funny

Forrest Gump in Heaven

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.

In order to gain admittance, a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions:

1. What are two days of the week that begin with "T"?
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God's first name?

Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered:

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.

Saint Peter said, "Ok, I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected. Technically, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why do you think God's first name is either Andy or Howard?" Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, and so on."

"Ok then, I give," said Saint Peter. "But what about God's first name?"

Forrest said, "Well, from the song...Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...And then from the prayer...Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name..."

Saint Peter let him in without another word.

Sheridan Community Chorus

The Sheridan Community Chorus will be singing at The Gowanda Nursing Home (100 Miller Street in Gowanda, NY) tonight (7/22) @ 7:00 pm (Report time is 6:30 pm).
Contact person @ Gowanda Nursing Home is Rick Kozlowski (716) 532-5700.
We will be singing in the cafeteria inside the home.

Directions to Gowanda Nursing Home from Sheridan United Methodist Church (Mapquest)

1: Start out going NORTHEAST on US-20/LAKE RD/E MAIN RD/ROUTE 20 toward CR-79/CENTER RD. 0.0 mi


2: Go past Center Rd. (blinking light) toward Fredonia 1.4 mi


3: Turn LEFT onto NY-39 E. 14.4 mi


4: Turn LEFT onto NY-39/MAIN ST. 1.5 mi


5: Turn SLIGHT RIGHT onto S WATER ST/CR-4. Continue to follow CR-4. 0.6 mi


6: Turn RIGHT onto BROADWAY RD/CR-4. 0.1 mi


7: Turn LEFT onto MILLER ST. 0.1 mi


8: End at 100 Miller St Gowanda, NY 14070-1530


Estimated Time: 25 minutes Estimated Distance: 18.13 miles

Bud's World

Real warning labels for those without common sense:
On a 500-piece puzzle: “Some assembly required.”
On a Frisbee: “Warning: May contain small parts.”
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: “Do not use orally.”
On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: “Not intended for highway use.”
On a toilet at a public sports facility: “Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.”
On a 6 inch inflatable picture frame: “Not to be used as a personal flotation device.”
On a birthday card for a 1 year old: “Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.”

I was just wondering…
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for ‘monosyllabic?’
Why does belly button lint not match your shirt color?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...
is he still wrong?

From the Choir Loft
6 down, 3 to go! We have performed the patriotic musical: ‘Our Flag Was Still There’ at 6 different venues, and have 3 more performances to go! Whose idea was this anyway? I hope he’s learned his lesson!

Wit or Wisdom?
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”~ Albert Schweitzer
“If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”~ Yogi Berra
"True commitment begins when we reach the point of not knowing how we can possibly go on, and decide to do it anyway."
~ Anonymous
"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will."
~ Anonymous

Today in History July 20
1994 – O.J. Simpson offered a $500,000 reward for evidence of his ex-wife’s killer
1977 – A flash flood caused flooding in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, killing 350
1969 – “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” - Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon
1944 – German officers planted a bomb at a meeting with Adolf Hitler attempting to assassinate him
1917 – The draft lottery went into effect in the United States during WW I
1881 – Sioux leader, Sitting Bull surrendered to troops after the battle with Custer at Little Bighorn
1868 – The 1st use of tax stamps on cigarettes
1861 – The 1st major battle of the Civil War took place in Virginia

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
For choir / chorus or church music updates:
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

Today's government funny

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the fastest. The first boy brags: "My dad is so fast he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."

The second son responds: "My dad is so fast that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."

The third finally boasts: "I've got you both beat. My dad works for the city. He's so fast that he gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."

Today's Clergy funny

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

ps BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humor can be risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make this subject more approachable. If you find this joke objectionable, we apologize. Any similarities to anyone living or deceased is purely coincidental. As with most jokes, the original author is unknown --

thanks mikey's funnies

Today's cartoon

Sheridan Chorus schedule

The remaining performances of the Patriotic musical: 'Our Flag Was Still There' is as follows...

Tuesday, July 22 @ *7:00 pm @ Gowanda Nursing Center:
100 Miller Street Gowanda, NY 716.532-5700


Tuesday, July 29 @ *7:00 pm @ Laona Playground
Route 60 (south of the 'Transfer Station') Laona, NY

Saturday, September 20 @ *2:00 pm @ Silver Creek Grape Festival
Silver Creek Village Park near gazebo & big white church (1st United Church)

* These are start times. Please report 30 minutes earlier.

Today's Funny

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.

"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Bud's World

No Male Pallbearers
An elderly woman passed away. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.”

I was just wondering…
Is there another word for synonym?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Isn’t a letter carrier's career a mail-dominated profession?
Why does the Indiana driver's license include in its list of possible restrictions "B" for "Blind"?

From the Choir Loft
Our poor singers! We have never had a busier schedule! Our summer schedule includes 9 (yes, nine) performances of our patriotic musical (5 retirement facilities, Willowfest, a Christian camp, Sheridan United Methodist church, & The Grape Festival in Silver Creek). If you’d like to sing with us or help us in any way, please contact Bud @ (716) 934-7734 or tubamanbud@gmail.com or www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

Wit or Wisdom?
“Most people play a fair game of golf - If you watch them.”
~ Joey Adams
“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.”
~ Anonymous
"If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room."
~ Anita Roddick
“Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.”~ Randy K. Milholland

Today in History July 13
1994 – O.J. Simpson, charged with murder, provided hair samples
1978 – Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by Henry Ford II
1977 – NYC experienced a 25 hour power blackout
1967 – Race riots broke out in Newark, NJ, 27 die
1966 – Richard Speck murdered 8 nurses in Chicago
1960 – J.F.K. was nominated for President at the Democratic convention
1943 – The largest tank battle between Russia and Germany (6,000 tanks destroyed, 2,900 casualties)
1939 – Frank Sinatra made his recording debut
1936 – Record high temperatures in the U.S. (112 degrees in Michigan, 114 degrees in Wisconsin)
1900 – Philadelphia Phillies beat Pittsburgh Pirates 23 – 8 (I’m still a Pirates fan!)
1865 – Horace Greely advised his readers: “Go West young man, Go West!”

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
For choir / chorus or church music updates:
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

Last night's (7/13) concert

The combined Sheridan/Cattaraugus Community choruses performed our patriotic concert last night at The Cattaraugus Christian Camp. We had good attendance in both the chorus and audience.
The audience loved it. My barometer is always the "feeling" I get from the audience as we perform, and the quantity and passion of the individual audience members following the concert. Both were extraordinary.
If you are one of those involved in last night's concert...thank you from the very bottom of my heart. I realize and appreciate the sacrifice of your valuable time...and the cost of travel. Thank you. All the participants should be proud.
Diane and I got a tour of the facilities of the camp following the concert and it is a beautiful camp filled with warm and friendly people. Some day Diane and I hope to spend more time there.

Today's funny

Restless

Little Bonnie became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Sheridan/Cattaraugus Choruses 7/13 performance

The Sheridan/Cattaraugus Community choruses will perform the patriotic concert this afternoon (7/13) at 3:00 pm at the Cattaraugus Christian Camp.
Report time for the chorus members will be 2:00 pm.
So much for "Sunday is a day of rest!"

Saturday night in Forestville

Last night, Diane, Melanie (Diane's grand daughter), Diane's mother, my trombone, and the scooter headed off to Forestville for their 200th anniversary festival.
It still amazes me to see all the festivals and celebrations in this area.
I got a chance to play bass trombone with the Dave Golando Big Band. I had a great time playing with musicians from Pennsylvania to Buffalo.
I have to say, Melanie & Diane's mother didn't make it through the 3 hour performance, but they did enjoy it.

Today's quote

"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting to talk."
~ Fran Lebowitz

Today's quote

"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."
~ Ralph W. Sockman

NO REHEARSALS

Since you've all worked so hard, there are no rehearsals on the following dates...

Thursday, July 10 NO REHEARSAL
Tuesday, July 15 NO REHEARSAL
Thursday, July 17 NO REHEARSAL
Thursday, July 24 NO REHEARSAL
Thursday, July 31 NO REHEARSAL

You and I deserve the break!


Thank you for all your hard work and dedication...

Bud

Sunday, July 13 concert

The Sheridan & Community Choruses will be presenting the patriotic musical: 'Our Flag Was Still There' on Sunday, 7/13/08 at The Cattaraugus Christian Camp (At the corner of Routes 353 & County Route 6) 9714 Leon Road in Cattaraugus, NY 14719 (716) 257-3079.
The concert will begin at 3:00 pm [Report 2:00 pm].
Attire: red/white/blue (stars & stripes patterns encouraged) or white over black acceptable.
Bring choral books and flags.

Sheridan Community Chorus schedule

Thursday, July 10 no choir rehearsal

Sunday, July 13 concert with Cattaraugus at the Cattaraugus Christian Camp
At the corner of Routes 353 & County Rt. 6 in Cattaraugus, NY (716) 257-3079
Start time: 3:00 pm Report time: 2:00 pm

Tuesday, July 15 no choir rehearsal

Thursday, July 17 no choir rehearsal

Tuesday, July 22 concert at Gowanda Nursing home @ 7:00 pm 100 Miller Street Gowanda, NY 14070 (716) 532-5700 [Contact person: Rick Kozlowski]

Tuesday, July 29 concert for Laona's 200th anniversary @ 7:00 pm (report @ 6:00 pm)
Route 60 south of Route 20 past the "transfer" station in the Laona playground

Today's funny

"Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings."

~ George F. Will

Concert @ Lakeshore (7/8)

The concert for Tuesday, July 8 is at The Lake Shore Nursing facility (845 Routes 5 & 20 in Irving) at 7:00 pm on the third floor in the "Ruby Dining Room."
Please make sure to enter the building on the east side (closest to Tim Horton's).
Please report to the room by 6:30 pm.
Same attire, choral music, & flag.

From Bud's World

Bud’s funnies
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man.
After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?"
"Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.
"I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

I was just wondering…
Are clones people two?
What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread.
Why are a goose and his wife called geese, but a moose and his wife aren't called meese?

From the Choir Loft
The Patriotic concert will be presented tonight (7/6/08) at Sheridan United Methodist church at 7:00 pm. It’s a great tribute to all our past and current veterans. We also take this chance to thank God for all his wonderful blessings. Please support us by coming and bring a friend.

Wit or Wisdom?
Sure there are dishonest men in local government.
But there are dishonest men in national government too.
~ Richard M. Nixon
There is no abstract art. You must always start with something.
Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
~ Pablo Picasso
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
Historians are like people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
~ Leo Tolstoy

Today in History July 6
On this day in 1775, to explain why several thousand militia from the different Colonies were camped outside Boston, which was occupied by the British, the Continental Congress issued a Declaration of The Causes and Necessity of Taking Up Arms. It concluded:

“With a humble confidence in the mercies of the Supreme and impartial God and ruler of the universe, we most devoutly implore His divine goodness to protect us happily through this great conflict, and to dispose our adversaries to reconciliation on reasonable terms, and thereby to relieve the empire from the calamities of civil war.”

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
For choir / chorus or church music updates:
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

July 4th Trivia

On this day in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Continental Congress, starting the 13 colonies on the road to freedom as a sovereign nation. As always, this most American of holidays will be marked by parades, fireworks and backyard barbecues across the country.

Patriotic Places

30
Number of places nationwide with "liberty" in their name. The most populous one is Liberty, Missouri (26,232). Iowa has more of these places than any other state: four (Libertyville, New Liberty, North Liberty and West Liberty).

Eleven places have "independence" in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 113,288 residents.

Five places adopted the name "freedom." Freedom, California, with 6,000 residents, has the largest population among these.

There is one place named "patriot" — Patriot, Indiana, with a population of 202.

And what could be more fitting than spending the day in a place called "America"? There are five such places in the country, with the most populous being American Fork, Utah, with 21,941 residents.

courtesy: www.chiff.com

Sheridan Community Chorus (7/6) concert

A few things regarding (7/6) concert...
Bud's begging for help again!
1. Chorus concert 7:00 pm at Sheridan United Methodist church...report by 6:00 pm
attire: combination of red/white/blue...white/black acceptable
2. Do you know anyone who would volunteer to shuttle the choir members to/from our concert at Sheridan United Methodist Church on Sunday (7/6)? We have permission to park the choir members' cars at the St. John Bosco parking lot.
3. We could use some help moving some pieces of furniture off the platform following the Sunday morning service at Sheridan.
I thank each and every one of you for your commitment.
The wrist is fine.
--
Bud

Good news from Carolyn

I got this email from Carolyn D. this morning...
Good news! Keep praying!


Dear Family and Friends,

More good news. Andy is no longer in ICU but is still at Hamot. He is eating solids and walking with a walker a little. His mind is clearing up from all the drugs. He no longer sees bugs or tells these outlandish stories. They are still not sure if the kidneys are functioning properly and they are having a hard time regulating his sugar. So please keep praying. God certainly has been taking care of us.

Love to all,
Carolyn

The Sheridan Community Chorus

There will not be a chorus rehearsal on Thursday, July 3. This is an officially recognized vacation day. Please be assured that it will not affect your salary.

This is under the authority of the singer/director negotiated agreement of 11/13/04 in which the conductor/director has the right to make arbitrary decisions without the full agreement and consent of the chorus members without any prior notice.

(and then will pray that the singers show up).