The Wailing Wall (Joke)

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"

The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."

"Punalicious" (Part 1) Joke

PUNALICIOUS Part 1

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like an orange.

Sorry I am late...Again...

You might be a Mom if…
You plan your day according to when Sesame Street is on
You have signed a check with a crayon
You find Goldfish crackers in the glove box of your car
You wipe other kids’ noses
You have accidentally brushed your teeth with Desitin
You have caught spit-up with your hand
You can recite ‘Goodnight Moon’ and ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ by heart
You own the entire Baby Einstein DVD collection
You see your parents in a whole new light

From the Choir Loft
During a very important business meeting, there was a power failure causing all
the lights to go out. Everyone sitting around the large table began laughing or
Choir Loft complaining as they sat in total darkness. From out of the darkness came their
boss’s commanding voice: “Everyone raise their hands in the air.” Being
surprised by this rather strange request, nobody moved. Again the boss
commanded: “I said everyone raise their hands.” This time, they obliged, and immediately the lights came back on. They all looked shocked, and turned toward their boss for an explanation.
He explained: “It’s very simple…many hands make lights work.”
We need your “hands” in our ministry to make the work a little “lighter.” Why not join us?

Motherly Advice…
“Always wear clean underwear; you never know when you’ll have an accident.”
“Don’t you make that face…or it’ll freeze like that.”
“What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do that too?”
“Close that door! Were you born in a barn?”
“Don’t put that in your mouth…you don’t know where it’s been!”
“The proverbs of Solomon: A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.”
Proverbs 10:1

Today in history
(May 13)
1981 – Pope John Paul II shot & wounded in St. Peter’s Square
1973 – Bobby Riggs beat Margaret Smith-Court in a “Mother’s Day Match”
1918 – The 1st airmail stamps were issued (24¢/each)

History of the Hymns
May 13, 2007
‘Tell Mother I’ll be There’ (1969) [Not in our hymnal]
Words and Music: Charles M. Fillmore (1860 – 1952)

A published copy of this hymn was sent to Charles M. Alexander who was the songleader for Dr. R. A. Torrey. He looked at the song and wondered if he could ever use it but decided he would put it in his briefcase for future reference. He carried it with him for years until he needed a solo for use at a church meeting. Hundreds of men responded and, in the years that followed, he sang it around the world and declared that “Tell Mother I’ll Be There” had brought more men to make a decision for Christ than any other song he ever used.
The inspiration for its writing came from a telegram sent by President McKinley to his family when his mother was dying and calling for him. He had wired, “Tell Mother I’ll Be There.” Charles Fillmore had read the newspaper account of this and had caught the idea for a song – one which experts thought no good but one that God would use to change the lives and destinies of thousands of men.

Meanwhile…1969…38 years ago…in the United States…
President: Richard M. Nixon…V.P.: Spiro T. Agnew
Gas: 35¢/gal., Milk: 31¢/qt., 1st class stamp: 6¢, Min. wage: $1.60/hr.
Music: ‘Get Back’ (Beatles), ‘Aquarius’ (5th Dimension)
Sen. Ted Kennedy pleads guilty to leaving the scene of an accident (Chappaquiddick)

History of Mother’s Day
In the United States, “Mother's Day” was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the ‘Battle hymn of the Republic’) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year, Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia. In 1914 President Woodrow Wilson declared the first national Mother's Day, as a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons had died in war (with specific reference to The Great War, now known as World War I).
Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory SmithsTreasuryOfHymns InfoPlease Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Church office: 672-2048, Bud: 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@yahoo.com
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

Sheridan Community Chorus

We need you in our patriotic musical: "The Spirit of America."

Rehearsals are every Tuesday evening at 7:00 pm at The Sheridan United Methodist Church.

See you Tuesday evening.

An Atheist in Trouble (Joke)

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

Sheridan Community Chorus (7/15) Concert Info.

The information regarding our Sunday, July 15 (3:00 pm) Concert in Cattaraugus is:

"Cattaraugus Christian Camp:"

9714 Leon Road Cattaraugus, NY 14719 (716) 257-3079 [one mile south of village - Rt. 353 - County Rd. 6]

How do you get to Heaven? (Joke)

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

Sheridan Community Chorus (Announcement)

The choral books have arrived! The UPS man dropped them off at the house yesterday afternoon.

So, this should take care of our "sharing" problem. Books for everybody...PracticeTrax for everybody!

See you Tuesday evening @ 7:00.

Sheridan Community Chorus (Announcements)

Chorus rehearsals are Tuesday evenings @ 7:00 - 8:30

at Sheridan United Methodist Church (2679 Rt. 20 in Sheridan, NY).

Concerts:

Sunday, July 1 @ 7:00 PM at The Sheridan United Methodist Church:

2679 Route 20 in Sheridan, NY 14135 (716) 672-2048

Sunday, July 15 @ 3:00 PM at the Cattaraugus Christian Campgrounds:

Cattaraugus, NY.

Invite new members to join us! This is a great piece!

Bud tubamanbud@yahoo.com (716) 934-7734

April 28,2007

I am sorry, this is a week late!!!!(D.J.)

Who Am I?
God made Adam out of dust, but thought it best to make me first; so I was made before the man according to the Lord's Holy Plan. My whole body God made complete, without arms or hands or feet. My ways and acts did the Lord control, but in my body He placed no soul. A living being I became, and Adam gave to me a name. Then from his presence I withdrew, for this man Adam I never knew. All my maker's laws I do obey, and from these laws I never stray. Thousand's of me go in fear, but seldom on the earth appear. Without arms, legs, feet, or soul, I travel on from pole to pole. My labors are from day to night, and to men I once furnished light. Thousands of people, both young and old, did by my death bright lights behold. No right nor wrong can I conceive the bible and it's teachings I can't believe. The fear of death does not trouble me, pure happiness I will never see. Up in Heaven I can never go, nor in the grave or Hell below. So get your Bible and read with care, you'll find my name recorded there.
The answer is one word, five letters long.
Who is it? (Answer next week!)

From The Choir Loft
We will be presenting our patriotic musical at Sheridan United Methodist
Church on Sunday, July 1, 2007 @ 7:00 PM. Rehearsals are every
Tuesday evening @ S.U.M. @ 7:00 PM. The musical is a celebration
of God’s blessings on our country. If you know singers who would like to
join us, encourage them to come to the choir rehearsals, or contact the
church office or call me. If you know someone who would like to sing, but can’t carry a tune in a bucket, we’ll provide them with a bucket.

I was just wondering…
Why don't you ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice?”
Why is the man who invests all your money called a “broker?”
Can fat people go “skinny-dipping?”
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of “dark?”

Today in history
(April 29)
1992 – A jury acquitted L.A. police officers in the Rodney King beating…riots soon began
1990 – Wrecking balls began tearing down the Berlin Wall
1974 – President Richard Nixon agreed to release the the ‘White House Tapes’
1945 – U.S. forces liberated 31,601 from the Nazi concentration camp in Dachau, Germany
1942 – The Jews were 1st forced to wear the ‘Jewish Star’ in the Netherlands & France
1813 – Rubber was patented

History of the Hymns
April 29, 2007
‘Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee’ (1866) page 175
Words by Bernard of Clairvaux (1090 – 1153)
Music by John Bacchus Dykes (1823 – 1876)
It is generally agreed that Bernard of Clairvaux was the greatest of the medieval leaders. He is said to have represented the best of monastic life of his time.
In the sixteenth century Martin Luther wrote of Bernard that he was the best monk that ever lived, and was admired beyond all the rest put together. Bernard’s influence was soon felt throughout Europe. It is said that he commanded kings, emperors, and prelates, and they obeyed him. In 1146, he was commissioned by the Pope to lead a second preaching crusade. With his eloquence and strong preaching, great crowds followed him.
One of the conditions for those joining the Crusade was a personal conversion experience. It is recorded that multitudes of vicious men were changed through his preaching and carried a cross unashamedly as a symbol of their commitment to Christ and this Crusade.
Bernard wrote a long 192-line poem entitled Dulcis Jesu Memorial (‘Joyful Rhythm on the Name of Jesus’). From this poem Edward Caswall translated portions of the line for this hymn text in the nineteenth century.

Meanwhile…1866…141 years ago…in the United States…
President: Andrew Johnson…V.P.: None
Average prices: Shaves: 6¢, Haircuts: 12¢, Shampoos: 25¢
Songs: ‘Goober Peas,’ ‘I’ll Marry No Man If He Drinks,’
‘Jolly Old Saint Nicholas,’ ‘Shew Fly Don’t Bother Me,’ ‘Oh Susanna’
Charles Elmer Hires invented “Root Beer”
Lucy B. Hobbs became the 1st woman to earn a DDS degree
1st train robbery in U.S. (Reno Brothers take $13,000 in Indiana)
The 1st burlesque show opened with 50 girls singing ‘Naughty, Naughty Men’
850 “Fenians” left Buffalo to invade Canada attempting to force England to exit Ireland
Rev. Albert Bigelow was minister of The First Presbyterian Church in Silver Creek, NY
Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible InfoPlease Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@yahoo.com
http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/

A Father's Sermon (Joke)

A minister's young son sat on the floor of his father's office watching him write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" the boy asked.

"Why, God tells me." his father replied.

"Well, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

Dinner at the monastery (Joke)

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted. After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers.

The first one says, "Hello, I am brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turned to the other Brother and says "then you must be...?" "Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."

Getting Into Heaven (Joke)

Getting Into Heaven after a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her.

"Hello!" "How are you? We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you!" When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled love, and Saint Peter welcomed her into heaven.

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."

Sheridan United Methodist Church Choir

Sunday (4/29/07) morning's choir anthem will be: "No Other Word For Grace but Amazing." This song is from our 2006 Easter Cantata. If you don't have any other plans Sunday morning, we could use you!

Sheridan Community Chorus

Our preparations for the upcoming patriotic concert have begun!

Rehearsals are every Tuesday evening @ 7:00 PM at The Sheridan United Methodist Church (2679 Route 20 in Sheridan, NY. Everyone is welcome and needed. We also need you to invite others to join us.

We have already been asked to present this powerful tribute to America at four separate venues.

Sheridan Community Chorus

Tuesday evening chorus rehearsals begin tonight (4/24/07) in preparation for our Patriotic musical. Rehearsals are every Tuesday evening (7:00 - 8:30 PM) at Sheridan United Methodist Church (2679 Route 20 in Sheridan, NY).

We are always looking for new singers. Invite your friends and neighbors to join us.

We will present this exciting cantata at least twice (once in Sheridan, NY & once in Cattaraugus, NY).

God offers Adam a helpmate (Joke)

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

April 22, 2007

The Church Offering…
The pastor of the church needed to raise money to remodel the fellowship hall. He tried for months and months to raise the money, but nothing seemed to be working. Finally one Sunday he told the congregation, whoever gave the largest donation could pick out three hymns. The offering plate was passed around. Looking into the plate he saw the largest bill ever placed in the offering plates. He asked who gave it. Reluctantly from the back row, the oldest female parishioner raised her hand. The pastor told her to come up to the front and pick out her three hymns.

Once at the front, she looked at the most handsome men in the congregation, pointed, and said: “I want him, and him, and him.”

From the Choir Loft
BUD’S “BIBLE TRIVIA” QUIZ…
Can you find where in the Bible these musical instruments are mentioned?

Trumpet…horn, coronet, flute, organ, dulcimer, cymbal, tambourine, bells,
triangle, harp, & lyre.

And for extra credit…the trombone is listed under its
“original” name.

If you are lucky enough to be the winner of this quiz, you will
be eligible for a free one-year membership into the Sheridan United Methodist Adult Choir.

Only one winner or qualifier per family or household will be allowed. The decision of Bud’s World is final. Winner will be notified by phone. Prize, unless otherwise specified, must be picked up within thirty days of winning. Bud’s World will not notify winners of the time remaining on their prize. It is the responsibility of the winner to claim the prize within the thirty days provided. All unclaimed prizes will be forfeited. Bud’s World is at liberty to give away any unclaimed prize at the end of the thirty-day grace period. Employees of S.U.M., Bud’s World, its advertising agencies, their affiliates, representatives, and their families or households or their employees are ineligible to enter/win. Prizes may be mailed at the discretion of Bud’s World and is not responsible for the failure or tardiness of prizes delivered via US Postal Service. Otherwise, prizes must be claimed in person, unless otherwise specified. Proper identification (valid driver’s license, passport, Methodist Membership Card, state ID, military ID) required. Additions or deletions to these rules may be made at the discretion of Bud’s World, and may be enacted at any time. All winners must be 12 years of age or older. All prizes are non-transferable and void where prohibited by law. No cash substitution of prizes allowed. Winners understand and agree that they are responsible for any and all taxes incurred on prizes received.

The Choir director’s resignation…
A choir director, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in the church service.

When he spoke to the congregation he said, “The same Jesus who called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church.”

The choir all stood and sang, ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus.’

Today in history
(April 22)
2000 – Elian Gonzalez was snatched by a SWAT team in Florida & returned to his father in Cuba
1991 – Intel released the “486 SX” computer chip
1991 – Johnny Carson announced his retirement from The Tonight Show
1955 – U.S. Congress mandated that all U.S. coins bear the motto: “In God We Trust”
1945 – Hitler realized the war was lost & committed suicide in a secret bunker
1914 – Babe Ruth played his 1st professional baseball game as a pitcher for Boston winning 6-0

History of the Hymns
April 22, 2007
‘It Is Well with My Soul’

(1873) page 377
Words by Horatio Gates Spafford (1828 – 1888) Music by Philip Paul Bliss (1838 – 1876)

I’ve previously written the story behind the writing of this hymn, but it’s worth repeating.
Horatio G. Spafford had been a successful attorney in Chicago. He was the father of four daughters, an active member of the Presbyterian Church, and a loyal friend and supporter of D. L. Moody (the American evangelist and preacher). When Mr. Moody and his music associate, Ira Sankey, left for Great Britain for an evangelistic campaign, Spafford decided to lift the spirits of his family by taking them on a vacation to Europe. He also planned to assist in the Moody - Sankey meetings there.

In November of 1873, Spafford was detained by urgent business, but he sent his wife and four daughters as scheduled on the S.S. Ville du Havre, planning to join them soon after. Halfway across the Atlantic, the ship was struck by an English vessel, and sank in 12 minutes. All four of the Spafford daughters: Tanetta, Maggie, Annie and Bessie were among the 226 who drowned. Mrs. Spafford was among the few who were miraculously saved.

Later, Spafford stood hour after hour on the deck of the ship carrying him to rejoin his sorrowing wife in Cardiff, Wales. When the ship passed the approximate place where his precious daughters had drowned, Spafford received sustaining comfort from God, which enabled him to pen the words of this hymn: “When sorrows like sea billows roll ... It is well with my soul.”

You will note that the musical tune for this hymn was named ‘Ville Du Havre’ after the ship on which Spafford’s daughters and wife had sailed.

Meanwhile…1873…134 years ago…in the United States…
President: Ulysses S. Grant…V.P.: Henry Wilson
The Colgate Company began marketing dental cream
P.T. Barnum’s circus: “The Greatest Show on Earth” debuted
in New York City – its tent covered 3 acres and held 10,000 spectators
Levi Strauss & Jacob Davis received a U.S. patent for blue jeans with copper rivets
Edward Butler began publication of The Sunday Morning News (later The Buffalo News)

Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible InfoPlease Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@yahoo.com
http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/

Apathy (Joke)

The world is full of apathy...But I don't care!

Santa Claus fired (Joke)

Top Executive at North Pole fired
By Ruben & Bernie Elf
Bulletin.....
North Pole Industries today announced the firing of CEO Mr. S. Claus for repeated use of the term "Ho Ho Ho." The portly, popular CEO has been the top exec. at the company since its inception. Company employees interviewed by our FromBudsworld.Blogspot.com Business reporters describe the jolly exec. as a man caught up in the current "politically correct culture."
There is no information as to Mr. Claus' future plans.

http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/