Language of the "experts" (joke)

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of the "experts:"

"It has long been known..." means "I didn't look up the original reference!"

"A definite trend is evident..." means "These data are practically meaningless!"

"Typical results are shown..." means "This is the prettiest graph!"

"In my experience..." means "Once!"

"In case after case..." means "Twice!"

"In a series of cases..." means "Thrice!"

"It is believed that..." means "I think!"

"It is generally believed that..." means "A couple of others think so, too!"