April 15, 2007

The Preacher's Horse

A man bought a horse from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this horse had been trained in a very unique way (being the horse of a preacher). The only way to make the horse go, is to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the horse stop, is to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The horse began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The horse stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah" he rode off, very proud of his new purchase

The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed toward a cliff, he couldn’t remember the word to make the horse stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The horse just kept going. "Oh, no." "Bible...Church!...Please! Stop!!," shouted the man. The horse just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this horse stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus' name, AMEN."

The horse came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"HALLELUJAH!"shouted the man.

From the Choir Loft

If you didn’t make it to our Easter performance on Palm Sunday (4/1)…we missed you! The chorus did an outstanding job and sang with such expression that many tears were evident in the audience.

Our membership is an open one and we have begun preparations for a patriotic musical to be presented in Cattaraugus and here at The Sheridan United Methodist Church in Sheridan. If you, or someone you know might be interested in joining us, please let me know. We are one of the finest choirs in Sheridan, NY!

Two different health plans…

Two patients limp into two different American medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement. The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, has a time booked for surgery the next day and, within two days, and is home recuperating. The second patient sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months in the future.

Why the different treatment for the two patients? The first is a Golden Retriever. The second is a senior citizen.

Today in history

(April 15)

1971 – George C. Scott won an Academy Award for the movie ‘Patton’

1955 – Ray Kroc opened his 1st fast-food restaurant named McDonalds

1912 – The Titanic sank at 2:27 AM off the coast of Newfoundland

1865 – Abraham Lincoln was shot inside Ford Theater by John Wilkes Booth

Bud’s
History of the Hymns

April 15, 2007

‘Rejoice, the Lord Is King’

(1906) page 715

Words: Charles Wesley (1707 – 1788)

Music by John Darwall (1731 – 1789)

Early Methodists were persecuted and endured lives of hardship. Charles Wesley, along with his brother John started the Methodist movement, wanted to encourage his followers. He wanted them to be a singing, joyful people and not to become discouraged and lose hope. Paul’s letter t the Philippians gave Wesley the text for ‘Rejoice, the Lord Is King.’ Although Paul was imprisoned when he wrote this letter, he wrote a message of joy and encouragement, stating "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.

"‘Rejoice, the Lord Is King’ was first published with six stanzas in 1744 in John Wesley’s ‘Moral and Sacred Poems.’ Two years later Charles Wesley included it in ‘Hymns for Our Lord’s Resurrection.’ Most hymnals include four verses, omitting the fifth stanza from the original hymn.

We sing ‘Rejoice, the Lord Is King’ to the hymn tune: "Darwall’s 148th." Charles Wesley and Handel met at the home of Mr. Rich, whose wife had been converted through the preaching of Wesley. She requested that Handel compose hymn tunes for ‘Rejoice, the Lord Is King’ along with ‘Sinners, Obey the Gospel Word’ and ‘O Love Divine, How Sweet Thou Art.’ Handel graciously agreed and composed three hymn tunes.

Meanwhile…1906…101 years ago…in the United States…

President: Ulysses S. Grant…V.P.: Charles W. Fairbanks

1906 Statistics: Population: 85.4 million, 46 states, 1st class stamp: 2¢

Average worker earned $12.98 / week for 59 hours of work

Life expectancy: Males: 46.3 years…Females: 47.3 years…Unemployment: 1.7%

The San Francisco earthquake caused over 3,000 deaths and $350 million in damage

The 1st "Radio set" was advertised selling for $7.50 with a range of 1 mile

"Song pluggers"carried pianos on horse-drawn carts selling sheet music

The 1906 Ford Model "N" sold for $500.00

Frank Lloyd Wright’s "Darwin Martin House" was built in Buffalo, NY

Rev. W.F. Flick was pastor of Sheridan Methodist Church

Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible InfoPlease Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@yahoo.com
http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/

Sheridan United Methodist Choir

On this upcoming Sunday (4/15/07), The Sheridan United Methodist Choir will sing:
'People Need the Lord' from the 'Treasures' book page 25.

Sheridan Community Chorus

We have the music for our upcoming patriotic concert.
The chorus rehearsal schedule will be announced shortly.
The 1st concert will be Sunday, July 1, 2007 @ 7:00 pm at The Sheridan United Methodist Church.

Understanding women (joke)

The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired.

Another blonde "joke"

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the window. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck window. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

"You know what I think?" (joke)

"Shhhhh, listen! That's the sound of nobody caring what you think!"

Language of the "experts" (joke)

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of the "experts:"

"It has long been known..." means "I didn't look up the original reference!"

"A definite trend is evident..." means "These data are practically meaningless!"

"Typical results are shown..." means "This is the prettiest graph!"

"In my experience..." means "Once!"

"In case after case..." means "Twice!"

"In a series of cases..." means "Thrice!"

"It is believed that..." means "I think!"

"It is generally believed that..." means "A couple of others think so, too!"

Sheridan Community Chorus

Sunday, July 1, 2007 The Sheridan Community Chorus will present a patriotic musical at Sheridan United Methodist Church @ 2679 Route 20 Sheridan, NY 14135.

This will be a patriotic celebration giving thanks to God for the blessings he has bestowed upon our county, and this will enable us to honor our military veterans.

If you, or someone you know would like to join us, please contact Bud @ tubamanbud@yahoo.com or call the church office at (716) 672-2048.

April 8, 2007

The Priest’s last moments…

One day, an Old Catholic Priest was dying. He sent a message for two members of his congregation to come to his home. One was a politician and one was a lawyer. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of his bed. He then grasped their hands, sighed contentedly and smiled. For a long time no one said anything. Both the lawyer and the politician were touched and flattered that the old priest would want them with him during his final moments. He had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. His sermons in the past about greed and various other behaviors had made them squirm in their seats many a time. Finally the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come and see you at this time?"

The old priest mustered up some strength, and then said weakly, "Jesus died between 2 thieves…and that’s how I wanted to go!"

From the Choir Loft

"Wounded for me, wounded for me, There on the cross He was wounded for me;Gone my transgressions, and now I am free, All because Jesus was wounded for me."

The Easter Bunny…

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place including all the candy.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. What should I do?" The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and the candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved,hopped another 50 yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.’

Today in history

(April 8)

2005 – Funeral of Pope John Paul II

1742 – 1st performance of Handel’s ‘Messiah’ in Dublin, Ireland

Bud’s History of the Hymns

April 8, 2007

(1933) page 310

Words and music by Alfred Henry Ackley (1887 – 1960)

"Why should I worship a dead Jew?"

That was the question posed by a sincere young Jewish student who had been attending evangelistic meetings conducted by the author and composer of this hymn, Alfred Ackley. Rev. Ackley’s answer to this probing question, ultimately prompted the writing of this popular gospel hymn, ‘He Lives.’

The composer answered the young man by saying: "He lives! I tell you, He is not dead, but lives here and now! Jesus Christ is more alive today than ever before. I can prove it by my own experience, as well as the testimony of countless thousands."

Rev. Ackley’s forthright, emphatic answer, together with his subsequent successful effort to win the young man for Christ, morphed into song and crystallized into a convincing message in the hymn, ‘He Lives!’ He sat down at the piano and transformed that message into song. The thought of His ever-living presence brought the music quickly and easily.

Rev. Ackley received musical training from his father and later at the Royal Academy of Music in London, where he became a great cello player. After graduating from Westminster Theological Seminary in Maryland, he was ordained a Presbyterian minister in 1914 and pastored churches in Wilkes-Barre, Elmhurst and later Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He wrote some 1,500 religious and secular songs.

Meanwhile…1933…74 years ago…in the United States…

President: Franklin D. Roosevelt…V.P.: John N. Garner

Bread: 7¢/loaf, Milk: 10¢/qt., Eggs: 52¢/dozen,Gas: 18¢/gallon 1st class stamp: 3¢, Unemployment: 25.2%

Top Song: ‘Easter Parade’ by Irving Berlin

Prohibition was repealed

Walt Disney released ‘Three Little Pigs’

Fay Wray co-starred with a mechanical ape in the movie ‘King Kong’

The U.S. Congress passed the 1st "minimum wage law" (33¢/hour)

Trolley car service ended in Silver Creek, New York

Rev. James W. Reis was pastor of Sheridan Methodist Church

Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible DmarieCapsule Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email:tubamanbud@yahoo.com

http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/

Sheridan Community Chorus

What a wonderful performance by the Sheridan Community Chorus just three days ago. The combined voices of the Sheridan Community Chorus & Cattaraugus Chorus presented 'The Sacrifice' at The Sheridan United Methodist Church on Sunday (4/1) evening.

There was a full house and the audience was excited, energetic and were impressed by the accompanying video presentation of the Easter-week story. I can't list all the wonderful comments we received following the concert, but let's just say I will have a difficult time getting my Tuba baseball cap to fit my swelled head.

Thanks to everyone involved in the endless hours of preparation. It takes an enormous amount of time to prepare a musical like this!

Three Easter Rabbits (Joke)

What do you call three "Easter rabbits" in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?

A receding hareline.

Easter Sunday (Joke)

One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out a plastic egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"

"I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "pantyhose!"

April 1, 2007

Absolutely useless information…

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. (My hair is loaded!!!!)

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: ‘Tom Sawyer’

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments

From the Choir Loft

Tonight, we will present the Easter musical: ‘The Sacrifice’ at 7:00 PM at Sheridan United Methodist Church. This powerful cantata presents the story of Easter week through the eyes of six Biblical characters as they are interviewed in a "60-minutes" style. The chorus is made up of members from over 10 different churches and denominations. You won’t want to miss this exciting audio/visual experience. Invite your friends and come early.

Taking it with you…

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suit case Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?"

Today in history

(April 1)

1970 - American Motors introduced the Gremli

1976 – Stephen Wozniak & Steven Jobs founded Apple Computern

1938 – The Baseball Hall of Fame Museum opened in Cooperstown, NY

1929 – The Yo-Yo was 1^st marketed

1889 - The 1^st dishwashing machine went on sale in Chicago, Ill.

1853 – Cincinnati, Ohio became the 1^st U.S. city to pay firefighters a regular salary

1826 – Samuel Morey received a patent for the 1^st internal combustion engine

Bud’s History of the Hymns

April 1, 2007

‘O Sacred Head, Now Wounded’ (1830)

page 286

Words: Bernard of Clairvaux (1091 – 1153)

Translation by Paul Gerhardt (1607 – 1676)

Music by Hans Leo Hassler (1564 – 1612)

‘O Sacred Head, Now Wounded’ is based on a long medieval poem attributed to Bernhard of Clairvaus, ‘Salve mundi salutaire.’ This poem talks about the body of Christ, as he suffered and hung on the cross. It has seven sections, each addressing a part of Jesus’ body…his seventh section ‘Salve caput crucentatum’ focused on Jesus’ head.

An intensely personal hymn, ‘O Sacred Head, Now Wounded’ acknowledges the pain and shame that Christ endured when he paid the price for our sin. The poet cries out, "I joy to call Thee mine." And we join the poet as we each confess "Mine, mine was the transgression." We go on to sing, "Lo here I fall my Savior" as we fall prostrate, knowing the price of our salvation, and the pain with which it was paid.

Years later, Alexander & Gerhardt translated it into English, and a German composer wrote the music during the Renaissance period.

Meanwhile…1830…177 years ago…in the United States…President: Andrew Jackson…V.P.: Martin Van Buren

Sarah Hale wrote ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’

Edwin Budding began manufacturing lawn mowers…forever ruining Saturdays

Joseph Smith & 5 others organized the Mormon Church near Palmyra, New York

The New York Stock Exchange had its slowest day in history as 31 shares were traded

The population of Buffalo was 8,668…population of Erie County was 35,719

Buffalo, New York completed its city water system

Ref. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible DmarieCapsule Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Sheridan Community Chorus

Final concert...

Sunday, April 1, 2007 @ 7:00 PM @ The Sheridan United Methodist Church

at 2679 Route 20 in Sheridan, NY.

Invite others, come early, and be ready for the most powerful presentation of the Easter story.

This will be the best musical performed in Sheridan, NY on Sunday night April 1, 2007 or your money back!

For further information contact Bud @ tubamanbud@yahoo.com or the church office @ (716) 672-2048

Choir Personals (Joke)

Good looking, mature, widowed soprano with own home looking to meet tenor or baritone. Hair optional. Teeth optional. I have extra sets of both. No basses please. #S-223

Amish choir director seeks spouse. If thee likes rustic living, drawing water from a well and shapeless, black dresses, thou art for me. #B-2

Beepers for sale. Don't care for the choir anthem? Do what I do! Have yourself paged at any time during the first 10 minutes of the service. First come, first serve. #B-256

B.R.A. (Back Row Altos) Now accepting applications for new members. You needn't sit on the back row to be part of this militant feminist organization.

For Sale: Rapper Bible. $20 OBO. #B-9591

E-Z Sight Reading Technique: I'll show you how. No more choir rehearsals! Stay home and enjoy yourself. Choir director approved! Only $79.95 for the complete home study course. #B-1291

Biblical Humor…

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan...)

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Top Reasons For Joining The Church Choir

• You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get accustomed to sitting with a large group of people.








• The collection plate is never passed to the choir.








• There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.








• For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.

Tonight at 7:00, our choir will be performing with the Cattaraugus area Community Choir. We will be presenting the Easter musical ‘The Sacrifice’ at 7:00 PM at the Cattaraugus United Methodist Church with them. The church is located at the corner of Washington & South streets in Cattaraugus, NY.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wit or Wisdom?

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.

"Nothing easier,"

Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today in history

(March 25)

1970 - The Concorde made its 1^st supersonic flight (700 MPH)

1954 – "From Here to Eternity" with Holden & Hepburn won at the 26^th Academy Awards

1954 – RCA manufactured the 1^st color TV set with a 12" screen selling for $1,000

1951 – "Guys & Dolls" won at the 5^th annual Tony Awards

1943 – Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore premiered on radio

1937 – The Washington Daily News was the 1^st U.S. newspaper w/perfumed advertising pages

1882 – 1^st public demonstration of "pancake-making" in a department store in NYC

1813 – 1^st U.S. flag flown in battle on the Pacific (aboard the frigate Essex)

1776 – The Continental Congress authorized a medal for George Washington

1668 – 1^st horse race in America took place

1634 – Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email:

tubamanbud@yahoo.com

www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

Bud’s

History of the Hymns

March 25, 2007

‘My Jesus, I Love Thee’

(1876)

page 172

Words: William Ralph Featherstone (1846 – 1873)

Music: Adoniram Judson Gordon (1836 – 1895)

A young talented and tenderhearted actress was passing along the street of a large city. Seeing a pale, sick girl lying on a couch just inside a half-open door of a beautiful building, she entered with the thought that by her vivacity and pleasant conversation, she might cheer-up the young invalid. The sick girl was a devoted Christian, and her words, her patience, her submission and heaven-lit countenance, so demonstrated the spirit of her religion that the actress was thoroughly converted, and became a true follower of Christ.

She told her father, the leader of the theater troupe, of her conversion, and of her desire to abandon the stage, stating that she could not live a consistent Christian life and follow the life of an actress. Her father was shocked, and told his daughter that their careers would be lost and their business ruined. Loving her father dearly, she partially consented to fulfill their upcoming engagement.

The evening came, the hour arrived; a large audience had assembled. The curtain rose, and the young actress stepped forward firmly amid the applause of the multitude. Amid the breathless silence of the audience, she repeated:

"My Jesus, I Love Thee, I know Thou art mine; For Thee all the follies of sin I resign;

My gracious Redeemer, my Saviour art Thou; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ‘tis now!"

That was all. Through Christ she had conquered and, leaving the audience in tears, she retired from the stage never to appear upon it again. Through her influence her father was converted, and through their united evangelistic labors many were led to God.

Meanwhile…1876…131 years ago…in the United States…

President: Ulysses S. Grant…V.P.: Henry Wilson

The U.S. population was approximately 39 million

Mary Baker Eddy founded the Christian Scientists movement

A trip on the new "Transcontinental Express" train (S.F. – NYC) took 83 ½ hours

In Forestville, NY

…at A.C. Cook’s Mill, corn was 35¢/bushel, oats 35¢, & wheat 75¢

There were 3 churches, a printing shop, a bank, 2 hotels, a school, & 23 stores

A stage coach left Forestville every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday

R

ef. CenterForChurchMusic BuffaloHistory TanBible DmarieCapsule Cyberhymnal BrainyHistory

Sheridan Community Chorus

The Easter Musical: 'The Sacrifice' presented by The Sheridan Community Chorus will be Sunday, April 1, 2007 @ 7:00 pm at the Sheridan United Methodist Church...2679 Route 20 in Sheridan, NY 14135.

The 55-voice choir will sing the powerful music as 6 Biblical characters of the Easter-week story are interviewed in "60-Minutes" style.

Arrive early...invite others to come with you! You won't want to miss this wonderful presentation.

For further information, call (716) 672-2048 or (716) 934-7734

From Behind the Baton

Last night's concert performance in Cattaraugus, NY...

The Community Chorus did a great job last night during our Easter musical! What a powerhouse ensemble! The group had power and volume when needed, sensitive soft passages when asked, and always a great balance allowing all parts to be heard. The Cattaraugus Church made us feel comfortable and the audience was extremely responsive.

I LOVED IT!

The Angel and the two Statues (joke)

In a city park stood two beautiful statues, one female and the other male -- both nude. These two statues faced each other for many, many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "The two of you have been truly exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people that have visited the park over the years. I am hereby authorized by God to give you the greatest wish that can be bestowed upon you. I grant you the gift of life -- albeit, a limited offer. You have thirty minutes to do whatever your hearts desire."

And with that command, the two statues came to life. They smiled at each other, slowly moved their limbs about in wonderment. They looked all around, at their own bodies and back at each other. Smiling, they then ran to the nearby woods and dove behind a large bush. The angel smiled to herself as she listened to the giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. (Angels aren't naive.) After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, looking extremely satisfied and wearing nothing but even bigger smiles than before.

Puzzled, the angel looked at her watch and said to them, "You still have fifteen minutes. Wouldn't you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" "Oh yes!" the female statue replied. "But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL dump on its head."

Bad News (joke)

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, be romantic with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.