BAD HEADLINES (Joke)

BAD HEADLINES, part 1 Double Meanings From Around The World

~ L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
~ Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
~ Diaper Market Bottoms Out
~ Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store
~ Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
~ Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
~ Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
~ Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
~ Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better
~ 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
~ War Dims Hope For Peace
~ If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
~ Man is Fatally Slain
~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
~ Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation
~ Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation at High School
~ Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
~ House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
~ Police Discover Crack in Australia
~ William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary
~ Collegians are Turning to Vegetables
~ Caribbean Islands Drift to Left

A successful marriage (Joke)

At the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Ralph on his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Ralph replied to the audience, "Well, I've treated her well, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired, "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Italy."

The minister then said, "Ralph, you are a terrific example to all husbands. Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Ralph said, "I'm gonna go get her."

Wit or Wisdom
“God is the only one who can make the valley of trouble a door of hope.”
~ Catherine Marshall
“Every time I think I’m getting old, something else happens.”
~ Lillian Carter
“Are you humbly grateful? Or grumbly hateful?”
~ Pastor Roland Smith
“The most difficult thing I have ever had to do is follow the guidance I prayed for.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
“Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong.”
~ James Leo Herlihy

From the Choir Loft
Choir LoftWe have ministered at ‘St. Columban’s on the Lake’ a couple of times and have been asked to minister at the Chautauqua County Home and Fredonia Place. We are also planning to present our Christmas musical at St. Joe’s Roman Catholic Church in North Tonawanda. If you are looking for an opportunity to minister to others, how about joining us? We are looking for all kinds of help (singers, actors, audio, video, ushers, dancers, promotional help, etc.). If you’re willing to help, please contact Bud: 716.934.7734 or tubamanbud@gmail.com or the church office: 716.672.2048

I was just wondering…
· How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?
· Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak?
· Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
· If it's true that we are here to help others, then exactly what are the “OTHERS” here for?
· If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it ‘Fed UP?’
· If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
· Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
· What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
· Why do “tug” boats push their barges?

Today in history
(October 7)
2005 – John Rigas & son of Adelphia Cable were indicted
2001 – ‘Al-Jazeera’ TV network showed video footage of Osama Bin Ladin praising Allah for 9-11
1968 – The Motion Picture Association adopted its film rating system (‘G, M, R, & X’)
1940 – Artie Shaw & his orchestra recorded Hoagy Carmichael’s ‘Stardust’ for RCA Victor
1913 – Implementing the ‘assembly line’ increased Ford’s auto production from 12 – 93 cars/day
1849 – Edgar Allen Poe died in Baltimore, Maryland at the age of 40
1826 – The 1st U.S. railway opened in Quincy, Mass.


Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

History of the Hymns

‘My Faith Looks Up to Thee’ (1831) Page 452
Words: Ray Palmer (1808 – 1887) Music: Lowell Mason (1792 - 1872)
One day, in 1832, two men stood outside a store in Boston, Massachusetts. One was Lowell Mason, the other Ray Palmer.
Mason was one of the busiest men in Boston, directing three choirs and trying to persuade the local Board of Education to put music courses on the city schools curricula. Palmer, just 24 years old, had recently worked in a shoe shop; but was a graduate of Yale University and in another three years was to be ordained to the Congregational ministry. As the two men chatted on the street, Mason asked Palmer about the possibility of Palmer writing some verses for Mason, which he could set to music for a new book. As it happened, Palmer had just the very thing and he pulled a notebook from his pocket.
Mason was immediately impressed and, borrowing a sheet of paper, copied down ... My faith looks up to Thee, Thou Lamb of Calvary, Saviour divine! Now hear me while I pray, Take all my guilt away, O let me from this day Be wholly thine!
When he had finished, Mason turned to Palmer and said, “Mr. Palmer, you may
do many good things but posterity will remember you as the author of ‘My Faith Looks Up To Thee.’” That same night, in 1832, Mason set Palmer's first and greatest hymn to music. Thus two men, who stopped for a chat in Boston, gave the world a hymn, which Christians everywhere have been singing ever since.

Meanwhile…1831…176 years ago…in the United States…
President: Andrew Jackson …V.P.: Martin Van Buren
De Tocqueville’s comments on visiting Buffalo (1831): July 18: “Arrival at Buffalo. A multitude of savages in the streets… Their ugliness, their strange air, their bronzed and oily hide, their long hair black and stiff, their European clothes that they wear like savages. . . . Population brutalized by our wines and our liquors. More horrible than the equally brutalized peoples of Europe.” July 19. “Second walk in Buffalo; pretty shops, French goods. The refinement of European luxuries. Second glimpse of the Indians. Less disagreeable impression than the evening before. Several of them resembling our peasants in feature (with savage colour, however) the skin of Sicilians. Not one Indian woman passable."
Ref. HymnHistories Cyberhymnal WebEdelic DMarie TanBible Wikipedia BuffaloHistory.com

Sheridan Community Chorus

Rehearsals are every Tuesday evening from 7:15 - 8:30 pm at The Sheridan United Methodist Church.

We are preparing to present our Christmas Cantata in December.

We will present it on Sunday, December 9, 2007 @ 3:00 PM at St. Joseph's Roman Catholic church (1451 Payne Ave. North Tonawanda, NY 14120).

We will also present it on Sunday, December 16, 2007 @ Sheridan United Methodist church (2679 Route 20 Sheridan, NY 14135).

Everyone is welcome. For further information, contact Bud @ tubamanbud@gmail.com or contact the church office 716.672.2048

Oops! (Joke)

People you do not want to hear say "OOPS!"
Your surgeon.
Your dentist.
Your nurse.
Your hairdresser.
Your mechanic.
Your gardener.
Your tax accountant.
The computer tech person.
The house painter.
The pilot.
The crew installing your roof, siding, sprinkler system . . .

Talented Dog (Joke)

A dog applied for a job as a high-powered secretary with a multinational company. The advertisement stated that the successful applicant must have good keyboard skills, a command of shorthand, and be able to speak a second language.

The interviewer sat the dog at the computer and watched in wonderment as the animal successfully carried out the most complex functions, including spreadsheets and e-mail. Then he gave the dog dictation and was impressed by the hounds ability to write a hundred and twenty words a minute in immaculate shorthand.

"Well," he said at the end of the interview, "It looks as if the job's yours. There's just one thing. What about the second language?"

To which the dog replied: "Meow!"

Bud's World

I was just wondering:
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

From the Choir Loft
Our choir sang the patriotic musical ‘Spirit of America’ for the residents at ‘St. Columban’s On The Lake’ on Tuesday night (9/11), and sang at The Grape Festival in Silver Creek on Friday night (9/14). All in one week! They did an outstanding job and the audience response has been absolutely overwhelming. This was great exposure for our church and its music ministry. We are actively seeking participants for our upcoming Christmas season (singers & non-singers). We will be presenting our Christmas musical at Sheridan United Methodist Church and at St. Joe’s Roman Catholic Church in North Tonawanda. If you or someone you know would like to join us for our Christmas musical, please contact Bud Lowery 716.934.7734 or tubamanbud@gmail.com) or call the church office 716.672.2048.

Puns ‘R Us:
“Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.”
“Corduroy pillows are making headlines.”
“Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.”
“Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?”
“A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.”
“Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.”
“Acupuncture is a jab well done.”

Today in history (September 30)
1994 – The NHL went on strike
1990 – The Pittsburgh Pirates won the NL East title (can you tell I’m a Pittsburgh Pirates fan?)
1975 – 5 drowned in the flash flood of a sewer & water tunnel in Niagara Falls, NY
1972 – The Pittsburgh Pirates’ Roberto Clemente got his 3,000th hit
1970 – The ‘New American Bible’ was published
1960 – ‘The Flintstones’ premiered as the 1st prime time animation show
1960 – On ‘Howdy Doody’s’ last TV show, Clarabelle finally talked (“Goodbye Kids”)
1954 – The United States launched its 1st atomic vessel – the submarine ‘Nautilus’
1953 – Earl Warren was appointed ‘Chief Justice’ of the U.S. Supreme Court
1946 – 22 Nazi leaders were found guilty of war crimes at the Nuremberg trials
1942 – The ‘SS’ exterminated 3,500 Jews in a 6-week period in Poland
1941 – 3,721 Jews were buried alive in the Ukraine
1935 – George Gershwin’s ‘Porgy & Bess’ premiered in Boston
1841 – Samuel Slocum patented the stapler
1777 – The U.S. Congress fled to York, Pa. as British forces advanced


Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.comwww.frombudsworld.blogspot.com

History of the Hymns

‘Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus’ (1858) Page 514
Words: George Duffield, Jr. (1818 – 1888)
Music: George James Webb (1803 - 1887)

On March 4, 1858, over 5,000 men gathered for a mass meeting sponsored by the YMCA. A young man, Dudley A. Tyng, who was bold, fearless and uncompromising, preached from Exodus 10:11, “Ye that are men, go and serve the Lord.” Over 1,000 of the men were converted and the sermon was called “one of the most successful of the time.” The entire city was being aroused and a religious awakening was gaining force. The next week Tyng returned to his family in the country.
On Tuesday, April 13,1858, he was witnessing the operation of a corn-thrasher in his barn. Raising his arm to place his hand on the head of a mule, which was walking up the inclined lane of the machine, the loose sleeve of his morning gown was caught between the cogs. Tyng’s arm was lacerated severely, the main artery severed and the median nerve injured. Six days later, he died. His last words were: “Stand up for Jesus, father; stand up for Jesus; and tell my brethren of the ministry, wherever you meet them, to stand up for Jesus.”
The Rev. George Duffield, Jr., pastor of Temple Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, heard the account of his friend’s passing at a memorial service, and wrote this hymn. Thus, the dying words of an Episcopal clergyman inspired a Presbyterian minister to write the words of this hymn. — Ernest K. Emurian

Meanwhile…1858…149 years ago…in the United States…
President: James Buchanan…V.P.: John C. Breckinridge
Minnesota was admitted as the 32nd state
The 1st Lincoln / Douglas debate was held
E. A. Gardner of Philadelphia patented the streetcar
The 1st home mailboxes were installed in Boston & NYC
John Brown organized a raid on an arsenal at Harper’s Ferry
Abraham Lincoln stated “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”
Macy & Co. 1st opened on 6th Avenue in NYC with 1st day gross receipts of $1106.00

Ref. HymnHistories Cyberhymnal WebEdelic DMarie TanBible Wikipedia

Improvements in Hell (Joke)

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?" Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Calorie-burning activities counter

Here's your guide to calorie-burning activities and calories burned per hour (Part 2):

Running in circles 350

Eating crow 225

Tooting your own horn 25

Climbing the ladder of success 750

Pulling out the stops 75

Adding fuel to the fire 160

Wrapping it up 12

Putting your foot in your mouth 300

Starting the ball rolling 90

Going over the edge 25

Picking up the pieces 350

Counting eggs before they hatch 6

Calling it quits 2

Calorie-burning activities counter

Here's your guide to calorie-burning activities and calories burned per hour:
Beating around the bush 75
Making mountains out of mole hills 500
Jumping to conclusions 100
Swallowing your pride 50
Passing the buck 25
Throwing your weight around 50-300 (depending on your weight)
Dragging your heels 100
Pushing your luck 250
Hitting the nail on the head 50
Wading through paperwork 300
Bending over backwards 75
Jumping on the bandwagon 200
Balancing the books 200

Invite a friend to join us!

The rehearsals have begun, attendance has been good and the Christmas season has begun!

Just because the temperature and humidity are high, we're not going to let that stop us from decking the halls with boughs of holly!

Invite your friends to join us! We need singers of all ages...dancers...actors...audio & video help...promotional help...etc. The help wanted list is endless.

Invite a friend to join us!

Sleeping with Mommy (Joke)

TODAY'S FUNNY...

A man returned from a trip when a big storm hit their town, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. When he got home and into his bedroom at about 2 a.m., he found his two children in bed with his wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. He resigned himself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, he talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but, in the future, when he was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

After his next trip several weeks later, his wife and the children picked him up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for his plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As he entered the waiting area, his son saw him and ran toward him shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As he waved back, Dad said loudly, "What's the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" the boy shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at the man's son, then turned to him, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Bud's World

I was just wondering:

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

Why do they call it the ‘Department of the Interior’
when they’re in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’ when we’re already there?

Why is there Braille print on drive-through ATM machines?


From the Choir Loft
Singers needed. Males or females age 13+. Looking for people willing to work for free, to donate their time and talents, to travel to/from rehearsals for free, to work for no earthly benefits, and to put up with a choir director who is a “legend in his own mind!” Choir rehearsals are immediately following each and every Sunday morning service and Tuesdays from 6:45 – 7:15 PM. We are also rehearsing for our upcoming Christmas musical on Tuesday evenings from 7:15 – 8:30 PM at Sheridan United Methodist Church. We will be presenting this wonderful new musical at a Roman Catholic church in North Tonawanda and at Sheridan United Methodist Church. If interested, please contact the “legend” (Bud Lowery) at 716.934.7737 or tubamanbud@gmail.com

Puns ‘R Us:
“A good pun is its own reword.”
“Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.”
“Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.”
“A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.”
“I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.”
“I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.”
“My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.”
“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.”
Newspaper headline: “Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.”
“I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.”

Today in history
(September 23)

1990 – Saddam Hussein threatened to destroy Israel
1976 – President Gerald Ford debated Governor Jimmy Carter
1962 – ABC-TV premiered its 1st TV series in color – The Jetsons
1952 – Vice-President Richard Nixon gave his famous “Checkers” speech
1937 – The very first ‘Santa Claus School’ opened in Albion, New York
1806 – Lewis & Clark returned to St. Louis from their Pacific Northwest expedition
1642 – The 1st commencement at Harvard (Cambridge, Massachusetts) was held

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: mailto:tubamanbud@yahoo.com
http://www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com/

History of the Hymns

‘O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go’ (1882) Page 480
Words: George Matheson (1842 – 1906)
Music: Albert L. Peace (1844 - 1912)
George Matheson, engaged to be married, learned he would soon be totally blind. His fiancée said, “I cannot marry a blind man” and left him with his dreams shattered. He thought of taking his life, but instead took hold of himself as he wrote the moving hymn, “O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go” on June 6, 1882.
This blind preacher and poet later penned these words—
“My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns.
I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorns.
I have been looking forward to a world where I shall get compensation for my cross;
but I have never thought of my cross as itself a present glory.
Teach me the glory of my cross: teach me the value of my thorn.
Shew me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain.
Shew me that my tears have made my rainbow.”
Albert Peace wrote the musical tune: "St. Margaret" for Matheson's text for The Scottish Hymnal of 1885. He named the tune "Margaret," which is a favorite name in Scotland and it has also been said that the tune may have been named in honor of his fiancé.

Meanwhile…1882…125 years ago…in the United States…
President: Chester A. Arthur…V.P.: None
Bread: 2¢/loaf, Milk: 4¢/qt., House: $4,900
Average Income: Men: $71.40/year / Women: $54.50/year
Top Songs: ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean,’ ‘The Skaters,’ ‘The Jumbo,’
‘When The Clock In The Tower Strikes Twelve’
The 1st baseball double header took place
The Dow Jones & Company was founded
Most popular children’s names: John, William, Mary, & Anna
The ‘Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882’ was passed, it sought to halt Chinese immigration
Rev. Jan Pitas established The St. Stanislaus Church (oldest polish parish in Buffalo, NY)

Ref. HymnHistories Cyberhymnal WebEdelic DMarie TanBible Wikipedia

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled...Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall...Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Bud's Inspirational Thoughts (Joke)...

~ Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

~ Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

~ Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by doing away with all those who opposed them.

~ We put the "k" in "kwality."

~ A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

~ If at first you don't succeed, try management.

~ Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

~ Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

~ The beatings will continue until morale improves.

~ Hang in there--retirement is only thirty years away!

~ Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

~ A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

Sheridan Community Chorus rehearsal

Our Sheridan Chorus rehearsal was very well attended last night and I had a great time!

I am planning to schedule a second chorus rehearsal each week and I'm looking for suggestions. This second rehearsal would primarily be for singers not able to attend Tuesday evening chorus rehearsals. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Bud

Bud's World

Theme songs for Bible characters
(If you don’t get it…ask Pastor Molly to explain it to you.)
Joshua: ‘Good Vibrations’
Peter: ‘I’m Sorry’
Esau: ‘Born To Be Wild’
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: ‘Great Balls of Fire!’
The Three Kings: ‘When You Wish Upon a Star’
Jonah: ‘Got a Whale of a Tale’
Elijah: ‘Up, Up, and Away’
Methuselah: ‘Stayin’ Alive’
Nebuchadnezzar: ‘Crazy’

From the Choir Loft
Whether you’re a soloist or an ensemble singer or you play an instrument and are looking for a place to sing or play, we can use you. We can use every level of talent and use it for the Lord. Get your chance to work with a choir director, who is a legend in his own mind.
We don’t pay well, but our “after-life” retirement plan is out of this world!
Please contact Bud Lowery at 716.934.7734 or tubamanbud@gmail.com
Our rehearsals have begun for our Christmas cantata. Do you know someone who likes to sing?

I find it Interesting:
· There are only four words in the English language, which end in "dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
· The words 'racecar,’ 'kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same
whether they are read left to right or right to left (‘palindromes’).
· The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
· No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
· "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt." (Do you doubt this?)
· Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Today in history
(September 16)
1994 – The fire department put out a smoky electrical fire in the White House
1992 – The FCC voted to allow competition for local phone service
1983 – Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen
1976 – The Episcopal Church approved ordination of women as priests and bishop
1973 – Buffalo Bills’ O.J. Simpson rushed for 250 yards & 2 TDs (Bills 31-Pats 13)
1968 – Richard Nixon appeared on TVs ‘Laugh-in’
1928 – Hurricane hit West Palm Beach/Lake Okeechobbe, Florida – 3,000 die
1908 – William C. Durant incorporated General Motors in Janesville, Wisconsin

Church office: (716) 672-2048, Bud: (716) 934-7734, email: tubamanbud@gmail.com
www.frombudsworld.blogspot.com